


all is bright

by nygmobs



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Christmas, Christmas Angst, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, M/M, Sam is a good boyfriend, and he gets one, cause this time of year isn’t the best for me, no beta we die like men, this is probably shitty sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:02:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28127319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nygmobs/pseuds/nygmobs
Summary: sam and bucky watch the stars on christmas eveor christmas angst because this time of year is awful for me.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	all is bright

**Author's Note:**

> i literally wrote this to ‘tis the damn season

sam and bucky laid on the ground big warm jackets on due to the cold outside. and maybe this was a bad idea or maybe not, they couldn't tell or cared enough.

"you know, i haven't been able to do something like this in years.." bucky said quietly

sam takes a sip of the drink that was in his hands before he answered "what? laying outside staring at the stars or christmas?"

"both, and i can't go to family's to celebrate like i used to because.. because there's none left. but this, this is still nice ya know?"

bucky takes a drink of the beer he had, he knew it wouldn't have any effect on him, and god right now does he wish it did more than anything.

sam turns his head and looks at bucky then looks at his hand, then takes buckys hand into his, as he looks back up to the sky.

"sorry this couldn't be more buck"

"it's alright, it's enough" bucky smiles to himself as he squeezed sams hand, "honestly i'm surprised we got this time off, not every day that happens, i mean for us"

"yeah, i know what you mean.. before we actually met and before i joined up with steve and nat.. i had all the time in the world for stuff like this you know? but now it's difficult to even manage a relationship with someone"

bucky chuckles "yeah.. guys like us we don't get to have those, at least not with normal people" 

"we are normal people," sam tells him "just.. a little rough around the edges is all"

"ha," bucky laughs "you maybe.. but i am more fucked and broken after everything hydra put me through and made me do.. i doubt i'm still normal"

"that wasn't your fault man"

"i still did it. i was a monster and i can't take back the awful shit i've done"

sam squeezes buckys hand "i know you can't buck.. but still it wasn't you, and god i know you can't put that kind of stuff behind you and forget it, but it wasn't and never will be you who did it"

"aren't ya gonna tell me to quit bein' depressing and cheer up its christmas?"

"no, you gotta right to be upset and i ain't going to tell you to lie to yourself"

"anyone else would have"

"but i'm not anyone else"

bucky let out a sigh "can we go back inside? i'm fuckin' freezin'" he asked maybe to change the subject.

sam frowns "yeah okay" 

he stood and holds out his hand to help bucky up, bucky smiles lightly and takes sam's hand, then is pulled up by the other.

they head inside into the warmth of the house, and shed their winter coats, bucky just stands there for a minute then goes to sit on their sofa.

"do you want me to make you tea or anything?" sam asks

"hot chocolate?" bucky responses

"yeah i can do that" 

bucky smiles to himself as he takes a blanket that laid on the back of the sofa and wraps himself in it.

not long after sam comes back into the living room two mugs in hands, he sits beside bucky and hands him one. 

bucky smiles as he takes a sip of the warm liquid "you know i haven't had hot chocolate in years either, i forgot how good it can be"

sam chuckles "yeah it's great any time of year, but it's the best around this time" 

bucky nods "i'm sorry sam.. about outside, this time of year isn't the best for me anymore" 

"it's okay, it's like that for must of us.."

"yeah and not all of you has killed people just a week before christmas.. just a week ago was the anniversary of the day i- the wintersoldier killed the starks.. and i just think about it all the time and how i fucked shit up years later because of it"

sam lays the mug on the coffee table and takes buckys and sits his beside his own. he then takes bucky into his arms and hugs him. 

bucky stiffened at first at the other man's touch but relaxes into it, bucky shuffles a bit so that he was facing sam, he hugs the other man back tightly and lays his head on his shoulder.

bucky takes in the other man's warmth, as he sighs as one of the arms around his middle started rubbing circles into his back, bucky closes his eyes to the feeling, he could fall asleep right here in sams arms if he wanted to.

what seemed like hours, was only a few minutes and then it was gone. as sam sat back down in his place and left bucky there in the same position he was in when sam held him in his arms, his head just hung low now, the small smile that was on his face was now a frown.

he couldn't complain though, he knew sam was going to get tired and uncomfortable being like that for too long, it still upset him though.

bucky shakes his head, and stands "imma go to bed"

sam looks at him and frowns slightly "do you want me to come with you?" he asked

"no, no you stay here watch a cheesy christmas movie or something i'll be fine" he lied 

sam sighs, knowing he was lying but didn't want to push him "okay bucky.. i'll see you in a bit, good night"

"g'night sammy" he mumbled as he heads to their room.

bucky lays under the covers of the bed and closes his eyes, he closes his eyes and he tries to sleep he really does, but it seemed so impossible to do so at the moment.

he layers there for an hour or maybe two trying to sleep before sam came to the room. he got in on the other side of the bed.

"can't sleep?" he asked 

bucky turns around so he was facing the other man.

"no"

"why not?"

"thinkin' i guess" 

"about?"

"it's not important now," bucky tells him

"okay"

bucky moves closer to the other man and lays his head on his chest and wraps his arm around sams waist, sam smiles and holds the man closer to him. 

"i'm sorry today wasn't great for you, and who's to say what tomorrow is gonna be like," sam says as he kissed the top of buckys head.

"s'okay" came the muffled reply from the other man

and he was right. at the end of the day, it was okay, it always will be, the past will stay the past even though it can haunt us, it is what it is in the end, and as long as they have one another it's okay, they'll have each other.

**Author's Note:**

> i’ll try to write a happier one later


End file.
